No More Twirly Skirts

GB came home from school yesterday agitated. Her speech was pressured and she couldn’t make eye contact. I couldn’t understand most of what she said. There was one phrase she kept repeating and I finally caught it. “No more twirly skirts”. It didn’t make sense. GB loves twirly skirts. GB and I went through her breathing exercises and I prompted her to hold on to the twirly skirt thought. She did.

GB said that her first friend in her new class, S, said they couldn’t be friends if GB was a “goody-goody”. I asked what a “goody-goody” was. GB said they wear twirly skirts, sit by the teacher, and never get their “cards” pulled. (Cards are pulled in her class when a rule is broken.) I pointed out to GB that she loved twirly skirts and hated getting in trouble. She answered that if she wanted to be friends with S, she would have to change. I tried talking about the difference between trying not to annoy people and trying to change who she was. I confused her. She told me S found goody-goodies annoying.

I asked her the difference between real friends and people who just say they are your friend. The blank look on her face told me it was time to stop. We will revisit this with her therapist tomorrow.

A Word From Our Sponsor…

I haven’t posted in a while. I have been writing. I have not been sharing what I write. I have been contemplating why I share my writing here. After taking a break, I have found an answer that I am willing to sit with for now. I write because it helps me clarify my thoughts. I share because I do not want to be alone.

To sponsor something is  to support an event, activity, person, or organization financially or through the provision of products or services. My writing is my product . I am supporting my sanity. It sounds overly dramatic. Living in a place/space where the word “normal” has no meaning makes it easy to lose sight of the road you travel on. We are in the middle of change. The girls have each faced their own challenges… challenges made more difficult because change in its self is difficult for them.

 

GB is in a new class. The old class wasn’t working and was beyond what I could fix. Even though there was only eight students sharing the teacher and the two aides, the teacher was unwilling to have her working at her speed. While I was trying to determine why this class was no longer working for GB, I found out that in the two and a half years GB was there, the end of the year reading scores were not data based. It was the teacher’s best guess. Since GB’s IEP was based on this information, her IEP did not satisfy legal requirements. The school is anxious to meet GB’s needs anyway they can. I have not yet figured out what I want them to do. The class GB is currently in is larger, with thirteen other students. On the plus side, four of the students are girls and GB is developing a nice friendship with one of them. Her anxiety level is subsiding. Most days she is relaxed and happy. The downside of this class is its academic level. None of the students are close to functioning on grade level. Right now, GB needs what this class has to offer socially and emotionally. It is not a long term solution. I plan on leaving her there for the rest of the school year, so I have time to look for something more permanent.

Hope has not had a good month. She has taken the physically aggressive rages into the school. She bit one of the classroom aides. The spike in unacceptable behavior was accompanied by Hope feeling sad for the first time. This is a huge development. Hope has a new therapist. Besides working with Hope, she is helping us develop a treatment plan. She also insisted on us defining where the line was that would put Hope in an RTC. She reasoned that by defining it a head of time we would avoid making a rushed decision in a crisis. Hope’s treatment plan is still being constructed. We are working to keep everyone safe while Hope tries to deal with her very difficult feelings.

There is a lot more to share, but there is time. Nothing needs to be rushed. I wanted to end on a good note, so I am closing with this picture: GB’s favorite activity in her new class is learning to play the recorder. “Hot Cross Buns” never sounded so good.

GB practicing the recorder.

 

 

 

Christmas Is For Family

Jakob Gabriel, mom, grandpa, and … yup great grandpa.

Christmas is family time. We started with friends before Christmas, did Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with just our nuclear six and had my sister and her family for Christmas dinner. Before my sister left this morning, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived. We had an unexpected surprise when not only Jimmy and his family visited this afternoon, but also brought my first great grand baby- Jakob, who will be a week old tomorrow.

I am fighting off a bug and couldn’t hold him. The Dad had no problem taking my turns as well as his.

GB was thrilled to be taken out to lunch by her biological grandparents and her aunt. Hope did lots of sleigh riding at Bella’s. All the kids enjoyed the snow. No excitement and minimal drama makes for a good Christmas at home. The drama? That can wait until I have enjoyed the rest of my holiday.

Family Traditions

My sister and her family arrived from North Carolina in time for Christmas Dinner. Our matching pajamas have become a family tradition. We were blessed with six inches of premium snowman making snow. So far, we have had three game nights, a beautiful snowman built, gone to a movie, and went roller skating. Skiing is on for tomorrow for the older kids. Bowling and the city are still on our to do list. Everyone has been busy. GB fell asleep waiting for her bath tonight.

Happy Holidays to All. May you enjoy your family’s traditions, whatever they are, who ever they are with.

It Is the Little Things…

I have decided that at this time, in this place, for GB, happiness is more important than being educated. The decision made at last week’s CSE was that her class was working at a level and speed GB was not capable of handling. The decision was unanimous. She

will do a thirty day trial, in a new class, starting January 2, 2013.

The Dad and I met the teacher and observed the class. It is officially called the “Multiple Needs” class. The new teacher went to GB’s class yesterday and spent an hour. GB liked her. GB visits the class for three hours tomorrow.

It was agreed at the meeting,  since GB was leaving, and the work was beyond her, Mr. Teacher was not going to place any demands on her. Sounds straight forward enough. Unambiguous.

GB has missed every recess because of incomplete work. That is four days straight. I have called him, emailed him, and wrote in her notebook. Finally, today I sent an email to Mr.Teacher and copied the principal and the Director of Special Education and told them that the next time she missed recess would be her last day in that class room. The principal and Director of Special Education are unhappy, although it wasn’t clear who they were unhappy with.

GB is looking forward to her new class. For now, that is good enough for me.

Grateful

I was spitting tacks when we left for my sister’s last night. The Dad insisted on taking the Prius because the saving in gas is significant. I couldn’t imagine any amount of money worth traveling with Hope in the Prius on a ten or eleven hour ride. My fears were valid. Hope nutted up and The Dad spoke softly and called her his “baby”, while growling at GB to leave her sister alone. I should have just stayed home. My frame of mind was the pits at that point and I couldn’t find the peaceful spot inside that my therapist and I have been working on. So I switched my focus to keeping my mouth shut.  I was successful. I figured I wouldn’t say another word until we were at Lynn’s house.

I was startled by a huge bump and the strangest sounds coming from the car. Three in the morning, three hours from Lynn’s, we hit a deer. The Dad couldn’t open his door and a tremendous amount of steam rose from the engine. GB and Hope woke up, but,  thankfully, no one was hurt. Hope was snarly, which is how she always wakes up. Fortunately, while she raged earlier, she didn’t lose it then. We waited a half hour for a Virginia State Trooper and another half hour for a tow truck. By 4:15 we were in a hotel room.

This room has a complete, full size, set of stainless steel appliances, including a garbage disposal, and granite counter tops. The bedroom is completely separate. There is a kitchen table, a couch, a desk and an easy chair.

This morning we woke up to find we didn’t have comprehensive on the Prius and would have to pay cash to solve this problem. Not great, especially since, the Dad just took a half time leave, and our living money was cut in half.

I am grateful because:

• Ten years ago, The Dad would have lost it completely. He stayed intact and dealt.
• GB has always been a good car rider and trusts us completely. Telling her everything was going to be ok and her believing us was big last night.
• Hope was Hope, but when we hit the deer, she didn’t rage, she just got snarly.
• God has always met our needs and I trust that he will this time.
• We will get to my sister’s by Thanksgiving, even if it is not on my schedule.

Most of all, we are all safe and together. Everything else pales beside this.

Wishing you all a Blessed Thanksgiving!

After the First Week of School

So our first two and one-half days of school are over. Hope and GB are attending different schools, taking different buses, and attending at different times. Hope’s bus doesn’t come until 40 minutes after GB’s and GB gets home a full hour before Hope.

GB is attending the neighborhood school, although she still has the same teacher, aides, OT, and speech as she has had the last two years. The first “week” went smoothly for her. She is happy and everything is working the way it should be. There will be a CSE in the end of September to make sure everybody knows who is responsible for what.

Hope is in the same school and class as last year. The bus has yet to pick her up. I do not have any information about how she has done this “week” because Ms. Very Young Teacher has not sent anything home or answered an email as of yet. Hope says there are only two other children in her class. I have requested a CSE meeting on Hope next week because nobody seems inclined to respond.

I am fortunate that the Dad is putting Hope on the bus and is always home when Hope is. I not only haven’t had to deal with the phantom bus, but I have not been hurt either. The SPOA worker comes in 15 minutes. The Dad is here- maybe he will get more information out of the worker then I was able to. Hope is not doing well and he is getting the brunt of it.