Six more days. Six more days until Hope’s intensive. I can do anything for six days.
A report was called in to CPS that said when my grandson spends a weekend with BioMom (known around here as B3), she leaves him alone with his 10 month old half sister and he babysits and changes her diaper. X is six! X confirmed the report, B3 denied it. CPS isn’t sure they need to follow up. If I was physically in Michigan, I would probably be in jail on charges of assaulting
an the idiot. He goes with her again Friday after school. I am leaning towards hiring a private investigator to follow her around all weekend.
Anybody saner than I am have ideas that are more productive?
The Good: It was school pictures yesterday and Hope held it together.
The Bad: As soon as I took her homework out of the book bag, the Hope I know so well was with me. Arms crossed, face set in a glare, and the traditional “You are being mean to me”.
We took GB to her gymnastics class. GB had an outstanding 90 minute class. It was non-stop movement. Hope got no homework done. Afterwards, we met friends at Fri*ndly for dinner.
The Good: The Dad was there so I didn’t have to deal with Hope’s rage by myself.
The Ugly: Hope refused to eat, screamed, yelled I was hitting her (I wasn’t) and that I never let her eat. I eventually figured out she was not going to stop (duh) and went to take Hope to the car. She immediately got physical. The Dad picked her up and carried her out. This particular Fri*ndly’s is in a large mall. As the Dad carried her out, the manager of the restaurant stopped me to see if a coloring book or a balloon would help. By the time I got away from him, The Dad was 40 feet ahead of me. Hope was trying to bite and punch him, all the while yelling that he was hurting her. They received a mixed response; some people said it was good to see a parent that could do the tough things; other people said that poor child. We made it to the car without the police being called on us. I stayed in the car with a kicking, screaming Hope, while the Dad went back to the restaurant. I played 8 games of Word Warp on the ipad while Hope screamed. When the Dad was finished and brought GB back to the car, he was still shaken.
This morning it is like nothing happened. Hope is at her dancing lessons and I think the Dad is going to take her to a birthday party this afternoon. I, personally, don’t plan on ever bringing her out in public again. The Papoose board is too heavy to carry around.
The Director of Special Education was suppose to call me yesterday to set up a CSE on GB THIS week. She didn’t. I stopped by her office and called three times… nothing. This morning, I called the office and refused to take no for an answer. The secretary finally came back and said the Director said GB would have the same placement, a new reading program and it was unnecessary for the CSE to meet. The secretary said if I disagreed, I should leave a voice mail with Mrs. Very Stupid Chairperson. My concerns had N.O.T.H.I.N.G to do with reading. I told the secretary I want a CSE meeting THIS week, with the Director as the Chairperson. It is already Wednesday, but that is not my problem. Two days into the school year, and my blood pressure is sky high.
I hear my mother’s voice , echoing in my head, “Patience is a virtue”. Patience, my A&&, I am going to kill somebody. Sigh. Or at least spend lots of money hiring a lawyer again. It shouldn’t be this hard.
New posts on old blog.
I am on day # 3 of the Dad in Michigan. So far, Hope has thrown her cereal (with bowl and milk), got a comb stuck in her dreads, smashed the plastic fruit from the play kitchen, tried to write GB’s name on the wall with a crayon, tried to initiate inappropriate play with GB, and left me with bruises. It still morning and Hope is on her mat. It is going to be a loooooong day 😦
Hope raged yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon, after three days of rages, she stopped. Instead of raging, she played the RAD game. The I-am-so-cute smile stayed on her face. She hit, she kicked, she screamed… but she was completely in control. I find this games very tiring. After being therapeutic for over three hours, I was toast. I stopped playing. Every time Hope made one of her RAD moves, I took myself physically out of the game. I moved away. When she followed me, sticking to be like sweat on a hundred degree day, I firmly told her I wasn’t playing that game any more and peeled her off. The more she tried to engage me, the more aloof I became. I gave GB attention and modeled appropriate interactions. Once The Dad came home, I completely detached. He had her for the rest of the night. This morning, when Hope came into cuddle, The Dad was already in the shower. She laid down next to me and as I reached to hug her she hit me and smiled her RAD smile. I immediately told her to get out of my bed and reminded her I was not playing that game any more. The Dad did not like my response. I am played out right now.
Our new “normal” with Hope hasn’t been easy. In the last 24 hours hours, Hope has out done herself. She has pinched and kicked me, tried to poke my eye out with a pencil and bit me while I was confiscating the pencil. I received an email from her teacher saying her behavior has been difficult for the last month. She tried ignoring the behavior and depriving Hope of her end of the day prize. It didn’t work. (Mind you, Hope is in a class run by a respected children psychiatric hospital). Today Hope gave everyone mean and nasty looks, stuck out her tongue at an adult, rolled her eyes at everyone, crumbled up her seat work, announced that she was not doing any work and followed through with that. The teacher EVEN tried putting her in the timeout room for 5 minutes (Gasp!). She wants to meet with us.
After school yesterday, we went to therapy, like we always do on Tuesdays. Hope went first, then GB. The therapist never came out to get Hope for their sibling session. Afterward, the therapist told the Dad that she chose not to have the sibling session because she didn’t want to subject GB to Hope’s mean and nasty behavior. The therapist was visibly shaken.
I spoke with the MHA about respite for Hope. They are concerned that none of their regular respite workers would be able to handle Hope and keep her and everyone else safe. They want us to consider their more intensive program, aimed at children in danger of being placed. I deferred the rest of the conversation until after we see the psychiatrist on Monday.
As for the highlight of my day, I got an email that the 5 point harness is in the mail! God is good! (And so are friends!)
This post couldn’t have been written yesterday. By the time we arrived, we had spent 17 hours, over two days, in the car,
in hell with Hope. Nobody had anything left. It was as bad as it sounds. The question for today is HOW DO YOU MOVE ON AFTER THAT? My philosophy is that each day is a new day, with a clean slate. Sounds great. I have kept it up the almost 8 months Hope has been with us. This morning, I woke up and I was still pissed at the amount of sheer havoc one small, 5 year old RADling can cram into a van of people who are stuck with her for two days. It doesn’t help that we are *in*a*new*place*, so Hope is still riding the line. Her time out chair is set up. She is restricted to arms length. So, you ask, what’s the problem? Ahhh. The problem is when you restrict a child to arms length, you have to see them all the time. Right now, I do not want to look at her much less see her. I am faking it, but it is driving my blood pressure up to the point I have a killer headache. Any suggestions would be appreciated.