Hope and GB both had a good day yesterday. They helped the Dad put their laundry away, ate a mountain of homemade waffles, and went with the Dad to have ice cream with his mother. Hope lost it towards the end of the day, but it was late enough to put her to bed. They both got up with smiles and went through their morning routine with ease.
When they got off the bus, the Green Eyed Monster was back. GB had gotten another gift at school today. Hope articulated why she was mad very well, but got stuck there. She refused to do her school work correctly and insisted the pre-packaged ice cream bar GB got was bigger then the pre-packaged ice cream bar I gave her. I gave her a time in, but all I have to show for it is some new bruising. It is looking like a long afternoon.
GB’s real birthday is over a week away. The Green Eyed Monster is getting old. I am grateful for my long weekend get-a-way- no matter how much payback will be waiting for me when I get back.
`GB had a crafty birthday party yesterday (because I will be in Orlando next week!!!!!). It was combination of NT and special needs kids. She loves crafty stuff and with a couple of stress-relief breaks, she did well. So, this post is not about GB. My Green Eyed Monster is 43 pounds of pure adrenalin. Hope woke up yesterday, raring to make her mark. Chairs were flying before 8 am. Hope was very clear- she did not want GB to have friends, a birthday, a party, gifts or a good time. It.was.not.fair. We looked at pictures from her party and I had her tell me about each picture. She remembered how much fun she had, what presents she got, and who was there. I asked her if GB had done anything to make her birthday less fun. Hope looked puzzled and said no. I told Hope that GB had let her have a great birthday and I expected her to let GB have a great birthday. The arms folded, the death-ray stare crossed her face, and she shook her head no. Hope had real rages yesterday- the kind we haven’t seen in over a month. Adrenalin fueled, fear and anger driven- I am so glad she is still so small. She was still fighting herself when she went to bed.
She woke up this morning and the Green Eyed Monster was gone. Until the next time.
The Dad is home and guess who is getting ALL the payback for him being gone? That’s right, I am. Me. The Mom. And Hope sure has a lot of payback stored up. She was back to throwing chairs this morning. Not to be left out, GB is fixated on her upcoming birthday. A steamroller with curly hair and 9 candles. The Dad is back in super stress mode and if I hear on more muttered under the breathe criticism of how I handled the, girls or what shape the house is in, or one more snide remark about setting off the chair thrower, I may be single again. Can single women go to Orlando?
To top it, off today is yet another SNOW DAY!
The house is still. The cats got up with me,but everyone else is sleeping. I am physically tired and emotionally spent. Today is one of those days where the keyboard is not my friend.
I have been holding it together, one minute at a time, for 464 minutes. I have given up on actually doing anything today. Hope is in my bed, quiet for the moment. GB is sitting on a floor pillow next to me. They are watching PBS. Snow today, school tomorrow. Has.to.be. It is today’s lifeline.
The Dad left before 5 am this morning. He and his (older) brother are on a road trip to see their cousin and their terminally ill aunt. I don’t begrudge The Dad that time. I am counting the seconds until I am not the only line tethering my family to this world. Not that they are well grounded when the Dad his here- But at least, in the back of my mind, relief is minutes, hours, a day away. He won’t be back until Thursday. More than a day, is more I can put my mind around.
Hope went out with us to three different public places yesterday. Each time The Dad wasn’t with us, gabbing with a friend or what ever, Hope threw a tantrum. Not a rage, not a meltdown. A tantrum. No adrenaline, no cortisone. A totally for show tantrum, for the sole purpose of embarrassing me. I didn’t let her embarrass me, but by the time we got home, I was bone weary.
We stayed home all day today. They are off tomorrow. I think we will stay home tomorrow, too. I told Hope that I can not stop her from doing her wango tango. What I can do is remove the temptation of having an audience to play for. She will not go out in public with me until I am convinced she will chose to behave.
GB has a cold, I have bronchitis. A couple of days in my warm house with my fireplace is just what I need. The girls are asleep and in five minutes or so, I will join them. One day at a time.
Yesterday, two letters came in the mail. One was from the DDSO, who provide services in my state, which said GB was not eligible for services. The second letter was from the psychologist that did the evaluation on GB and said she was autistic. This letter said GB required DDSO services. I called DDSO, found the name of the person who made the determination that she was ineligible, and called him. I told him I would fax the letter to him. I went to St*ples and faxed it. Before I was back in the car, the DDSO man called back and said GB was now eligible and since she is almost 8, she was eligible for life. However, everything in the computer said she was ineligible, so it will take a couple of weeks to reenter it correctly.
I don’t know what services are left with all the budget cuts, but that will wait until Tuesday. Maybe our government is so inefficient and wasteful because they simply do not talk to each other. Both letters came on the same letterhead, so the people work for the same state disability office. Go figure.
I expected a huge meltdown from Hope this morning. The Dad took GB out for breakfast before school. Hope did not get to go, because she spent yesterday not doing her homework. I refuse to fight the HW battle. I told Hope twice she was making a poor decision and the HW would have to get done. She tried to engage me and I refused to play. GB ignored her and got her HW done. At bed time, I gave Hope her medication and told her to get ready for bed. She did the wango tango because her HW wasn’t done. It was exactly the same homework she has been doing for three weeks. I pointed that out to her and reminder her she could have chosen to have it done in less then 15 minutes, but she spent 45 minutes choosing not to do it. The HW would be there in the morning.
I put Hope to bed (no Dad last night) and read with GB until Hope was asleep. I wasn’t looking forward to this morning, but was ready for it. Hope woke up, came to me, and asked where GB and Daddy were. I told her they went out to breakfast. She very calmly asked why she didn’t get to go and when I reminded her about the undone HW, she said Oh yeah. That was it. She was cooperative with the whole morning routine, ate breakfast without any attitude, and spent about three minutes finishing her HW. She couldn’t find her shoes, which is usually good for a meltdown all by itself, but she just spent ten minutes looking- no frustration, no hissy fit. GB and The Dad came back, and Hope was all smiles and wanted a hug.
Ten minutes later it was time to go out to the bus. We gathered book bags and put on coats. I zippered Hope’s coat up and she went off. She wanted to do it herself and she wasn’t very nice about it. She undid the zipper and I went to zip GB up. Hope realized she couldn’t zip the coat up by herself. The rage I expected an hour earlier swooped in and caught me by surprise. Such is life.
eyes clear, shining light
wispy hair, soft skin, smile too
God keep safe, good night