Difficult Week



This has been one of those all consuming weeks.

  • Hope’s teacher wrote home, inquiring if, perhaps, Hope had missed her meds. (She hadn’t) She isn’t raging, but her temper tantrums are still epic, and she is still not safe.
  • GB switched therapists, as planned. She said goodbye to the therapist in the Little City that she shared with Hope. She started with her new therapist. The goal is that GB be able to express her needs verbally in “I” statements. She did much better than I expected.
  • GB and MK had a session together with the family dynamics therapist. I haven’t seen any changes in their interactions.
  • Malachi is still struggling. I enlisted the help of his other grandfather to get Booboo to agree to two days a week in a therapeutic preschool. I do not know yet how successful that was.
  • The Dad realized this week that on his retirement income we can’t afford to live in our current house; at least not while subsidizing J and MK. Duh.
  • We have been consciously cutting costs. We had already started our Food Diet- buying only food in it’s natural state, which helps not only our bodies, but our grocery bills.
  • The Dad started talking to MK about how we would be able to help her, now that we have much less money to live on. She flipped out. She has calmed down, but isn’t ready to explore her options. The Dad is confident MK will be cooperative.
  • I am busy with my new virtual filing cabinet. I finally have it usable and have started filing both girls school records in it. A paper free life sounds delicious!
  • Our rescheduled appointment with Hope’s new therapist is Monday. Unfortunately, it conflicts with my appointment with the neurologist. The neurologist needs to be rescheduled.
  • Hope is saying goodbye to the therapist in the Little City this morning. She is unhappy about having to change.
  • As I am switching to a paper free life, I realize there is a lot of other stuff clutter we do not need. Minimalists may be on to something!

7 Day Challenge Day 3: AHHHGH

Today was much more work than I expected. The Dad decided to take everybody but GB and I to the Annual Fright Fest at S*x Fl*gs. They left early this morning and still are not back. GB and I had a “GB” day. Showers, breakfast, and spending time with Ellie. We went out to get markers for pumpkin decorating, a pumpkin, and regular Saturday errands. GB had an appointment with her therapist. We had lunch and then GB wanted a manicure. She was pleasant and delightful. I STILL had to watch myself to stay completely positive. I didn’t expect  it and I was exhausted by the time we got home. I turned on a movie for her to get my breath back. Dinner was fine, as was evening chores. As we went up the stairs, I blew the whole day.

All over the landing of the staircase was a shredded, diaper.and its accompanying poop. MK had not secured said diaper in an appropriate container. Instead, she put it in an open waste basket in the hall. Ellie couldn’t resist. This is a recurring problem and before my brain engaged, “God Dammit” was out of my mouth. Fifteen minutes before bedtime and I lost THREE days. GB was so disappointed and mad at MK. I explained that only I was responsible for what came out of my mouth, regardless  of what happened. She didn’t look convinced, but she went to get ready for bed.

Cleaning up was not fun and gave me too much time to think of how I blew it royalty. I am going to bed early and starting over tomorrow. I hope everybody else had a better day.

7 Day Challenge: Day 2

Day 2 was MUCH harder than Day 1. I had to go for a test today. It involved 2 hours of driving, over an hour for the test, and GB had to come with us. GB was not happy at having to leave school early- today was fire safety day and she didn’t want to miss it. This left her whiny and I am not good with an hour of anybody whiny, especially in the car. I dealt by keeping my mouth closed.

The test logistics were difficult. It took 30 minutes, three needles, and a lot of digging to take arterial gases. This is normally a three minute test. I was out of patience before they even started the ejection test. If the challenge included adults, this would have ended the day.

Hope joined us at Friendly*s. There were seven kids tonight. GB was clingy and Hope was dysregulated. I caught  myself  a handful  of times about to be sarcastic, Sarcastic is my normal mode. I realized my only chance was  silence- and having taken two cars. GB and I went home as soon as we were done eating and everybody else followed. GB and I showered, washed and braided GB’s hair, and are now cuddling in front of cartoons. This challenge seems to be much harder then last year. I suspect that means I really needed to take it. I can’t bite my lip forever.

Any inspiring successes out there?

7 Day Challenge: Day 1

There was an interesting comment on yesterday’s post. It ended with the question “Should I tell my daughter I’m taking this challenge, and let them hold me accountable?!”. I gave it some thought and decided to tell GB this morning. GB is in a good space right now and most of our interactions are positive. She thought it was a good idea and asked if it included MK. I hadn’t thought about including her, because at 26, she really isn’t a child. I decided it was a good idea to include her in my challenge. It would be a good opportunity to model how other people  can should not be able to make you respond in a certain way.

I chose not to not to tell MK and Hope. MK generally starts the day in a positive space, but tends to interpret anything other than 100% agreement, including silence, as negative. Hope would consider it a challenge to make me lose my temper. I realize GB may tell either or both of them, since I never asked her not to. If it happens, it will make it a little more difficult.

So far today, I am having success. Of course, Hope just got home from school. I am looking forward to getting at least a couple of positive comments in for Hope before bedtime.

For those of you taking the challenge with me; Did you choose to tell your child(ren)? How did your first day go?

Trauma Sucks

Hope wigged out last night. As directed by waiver worker, we called 911 and the crises person . Crisis person is 2+ hours away, a policemen and 2 EMTs show up. Hope stops throwing furniture and starts screaming in terror. Joe went to the hospital with her in the ambulance. I  spent 30 minutes tapping GB back to this planet.  My oldest RAD (26) took the opportunity to tell me I should be happy because this is what I have been waiting for. 
Trauma sucks. RAD sucks. I can’t sleep.

PTSD and Me

My grandson is sick. I am concerned. Besides being concerned, it changes my day. MK is doing a great job at meeting Mali’s needs and he is attached. MK is also still battling the adult versions of what RAD left behind. When Mali is sick, all her fears and insecurities come rushing back. So today is being spent with MK staying close. I will drive them to the doctors and I will do my best to meet my daughter’s needs in a loving way. She needs it. She deserves it. I am praying for the strength to give it to her.