The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I have always been considered a patient person. I was patient with family number one. I was patient with mentally ill family. I was patient with teenagers no one else would take. I was patient with GB, who came to me as an infant shorty before my 46th birthday. I was patient with my Head Start kids while working as a psychologist. I was sure, if nothing else, I had patience mastered. Then came Hope.

I looked up the definition of patience this morning. “accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering”. I have that part down. “without getting angry or upset.”. Ahhh. With Hope, that seems to be my downfall. Why?

I know part of it is because I don’t have the energy I used to. I can’t be up all night and function well the next day. I think part of it is Hope’s last seven weeks of behavior that has gotten worse each week. I have had Radlets before. My oldest daughter has RAD. I have never had a RAD before that went seven weeks without a good day. She never lets up. Not being able to medicate her because of heart issues means she is up until 10 or 11 every night. Each week, I think, *well , we’ve hit rock bottom*. Each week she has proven me wrong. I get angry. I get upset.

This week I am going to try to be Zen. I am going into this week with no expectations. Maybe I will do better.

This morning’s conclusion

  • My 29 year old son called yesterday. He was manic and made little sense.
  • Hope had a bad day in school, but came home and had a good a good afternoon and evening. 
  • GB came off the bus with her lip bleeding. It bled through paper towels, tissues, and a face cloth with ice. By the time it stopped, GB was  on another planet dysregulated… nasty, throwing things, paranoid.
  • GB self-regulated by putting her weighted vest on, going to her room and listening to her ipod. When she was regulated, she came down and give individual apologies to each person she had been nasty to, including Hope.
  • After she was regulated, GB managed to do her homework without any intervention.
  • Hope had a hard morning today… she wouldn’t dress until I told her I was driving them to school today and if she wanted to go in her birthday suit, I was okay with that. She didn’t know what a birthday suit was, but after I explained she got dressed quickly.
  • This morning’s conclusion: The most important thing you can teach your child is how to manage their disabilities/mental illness. I wish I had known that when J was growing up.