Good Bye 2012

2012 was a long year and I am not sorry to see it go. My health reared up and demanded attention. I lost my focus with Hope, lost it in a sea of attachment. I forgot I was trying to make Hope an integral part of my family. I let others take the lead with Hope. I have never done that with one of my kids.

I thought I was improving my relationship with Mk, but it was superficial. She still hates me and thinks I hate her. I have been married almost 35 years and this year I came closer to divorce then ever before.

There were mixed events. I got to know GB’s needs much better. The cost? I had to face how much damage alcohol exposure prenatally did to her. My pain has steadily increased, but I discovered acupuncture provided relief. I dared to reach out to new friends. It is a much better way to live, but it sometimes results in pain.

There were a couple of blessings. Jimmy came back into our lives. I have three new grandchildren and became a great grandmother for the first time. We found a team of four therapists to work with our family.

2013 holds the joy and promise of healing and a new start.

Christmas Is For Family

Jakob Gabriel, mom, grandpa, and ... yup great grandpa.

Jakob Gabriel, mom, grandpa, and … yup great grandpa.

Christmas is family time. We started with friends before Christmas, did Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with just our nuclear six and had my sister and her family for Christmas dinner. Before my sister left this morning, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived. We had an unexpected surprise when not only Jimmy and his family visited this afternoon, but also brought my first great grand baby- Jakob, who will be a week old tomorrow.

I am fighting off a bug and couldn’t hold him. The Dad had no problem taking my turns as well as his.

GB was thrilled to be taken out to lunch by her biological grandparents and her aunt. Hope did lots of sleigh riding at Bella’s. All the kids enjoyed the snow. No excitement and minimal drama makes for a good Christmas at home. The drama? That can wait until I have enjoyed the rest of my holiday.

Family Traditions


My sister and her family arrived from North Carolina in time for Christmas Dinner. Our matching pajamas have become a family tradition. We were blessed with six inches of premium snowman making snow. So far, we have had three game nights, a beautiful snowman built, gone to a movie, and went roller skating. Skiing is on for tomorrow for the older kids. Bowling and the city are still on our to do list. Everyone has been busy. GB fell asleep waiting for her bath tonight.

Happy Holidays to All. May you enjoy your family’s traditions, whatever they are, who ever they are with.

GB’s Wish List


GB’s wish list is tacked to our refrigerator:

  • a doll with eyes that open and close
  • a tea set for pretend tea parties
  • a coin purse to color
  • a pad and paper for drawing
  • a diamond ring

My kids do not watch anything with commercials. All of GB’s friends are very specific with their wishes. This time of year I really appreciate GB’s social immaturity. I haven’t had to set foot inside a box store yet.

What I want for Christmas

listIn 1989, when my two oldest were six and four, we instituted a family tradition. Everyone was welcome to have a wish list and talk about what was on it. There were a maximum of five items per list. If an item wasn’t on your list, you could not mention that item. You were welcome to add it to your list, but since there was a maximum of five items on a list, you would have to cross something out. The first couple of years, our lists had a lot of cross outs on them. Then, as our lists went from being new to being a family tradition, the kids adapted. Lists could be maintained year round and much thought went into deciding if they wanted something badly enough to put it on the list.

In keeping with family tradition, here is my list:

1. I want gun laws, similar to those in Japan. I know I can’t stop people from killing other people, but that would at least slow them down.
2. I want every child to have all the physical and mental care they need as a  right.  Perhaps the right to lifers would help me on this one.

3. I want education at all levels to be given more money and thought than weapons and wars get. Then the powers to be would make sure education was funded and effective.

4. I want the world to slow down. I want relationships to be purposeful and valued.

5. I want all children to be an integral part of this world. I want  all children to be nurtured and loved for who they are. Kindness would be a valued characteristic.

6. I want to be healthy enough to enjoy my littles until they are grown. I am innately a rule follower, so I will stick with my five most important wishes.

I do realize nobody gets everything they want… but it would be… a really good Christmas.

No Answers

Another tragedy. Another shooting. Still no gun control. Still unwilling to fund necessary mental health treatment.

Politicians insisting on protecting unborn fetuses, while refusing to commit to caring for these children after they have taken their first breath.

Having several adopted children with RAD or the adult version of Borderline Personality Disorder, yet not having community support or even a consensus of what treatment will help.

My youngest is still struggling every single day. I did not take her from her mother. I did not cause the damage that torments her. I try to make a difference and then hear RAD is just an excuse to abuse children.

I have no answers. Do you?