Hope went on her first play date today. It wasn’t that she has made enough progress to try it, but rather that GB had made a friend during Challengers softball. Her friend has a younger brother who is eight and developmentally delayed and their house is set up so it is easy to provide constant supervision. GB and her friend, Jordan, did crafts while Hope and Tyler played with the doll house, swung on the indoor swing, and watched Scoobie Doo. There were the expected rough spots, but with two adults there to intervene, nothing got out of hand. Hope had a great time and didn’t want to leave. Hope’s first social success! I am hoping to give her another opportunity soon.
I have posted a bit on the other blog. If you would like to read it and you don’t have permission. you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. (Miz Kizzle, this invite was provided partly because of you.)
Some people welcome change. Some people fight change. Change itself is neither good nor bad. It is unavoidable. Nothing stays the same.
This is more philosophical than I am prepared to deal with at this point in time. I find myself with no choice. Hope’s behavior is changing. She has always had a tendency to touch everything. She has always been destructive. Now it is constant. She takes everything that catches her eye. She breaks everything she touches. If she is out of eyesight for a moment, she is found in the middle of a mess.
My dilemma? I am not sure if she has made progress and is now working through her terrible twos or if everything has her so overloaded that she has regressed to that age. I guess it is not necessary to know whether it is progress or regression to get through it. I will say that it very hard to baby proof your house against a six year old. It is also very hard to convince people in the outside world that this very normal looking six year old needs to be supervised as if she was a toddler.
Since I am not sure, I am going to choose to see this as a sign of progress.
My sister and her family left this morning. Organizing and cleaning are the order of the day. I loved having my sister here, even when we agree to disagree. My 19 year old autistic nephew did well. He only needed to be separated from everyone a couple of times. MK did well. My 14 year old nephew with ADHD and a mood disorder really struggled. He clashes with GB always, but this visit he had difficulty self-regulating most of the visit. Hope continued to struggle, no surprise, but GB spent the last four days at the edge of tears. Lots of little things, all out of her control. She just can’t go with the flow. It might not have mattered what we did this year… I think this holiday was destined to be a struggle.
The guys’ pajamas had pockets. I think we might all get guy pajamas next year.
May the joy and peace of Christmas visit us all today… even if only briefly. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Season’s Greetings! Love is universal.
Hope has been doing her best to get us to cancel Christmas. In an uncannily timed post, Christine at Welcome to My Brain, wrote about her family rule that nothing a child can do can cancel Christmas. Hope hasn’t healed enough yet that she could hear this. However, The Dad and I can benefit from the reminder. The passing thought that Hope might be the first child to drive us to canceling Christmas is a waste of emotion, time, and energy. Christmas will come no matter what big behaviors Hope can come up with, so the Dad and I need to focus on the moments that will keep us going. Sometimes the obvious needs to be said.
Hope is having a tough time. She is angry and lashing out at everybody. My best guess is the holidays are exacerbating our normal, difficult life with RAD. There are minutes when I want skip Christmas completely. It is not reasonable and I never take any action to abolish Christmas in our family. Sometimes, though, it is so tempting.
Hope is just starting to talk about the trauma she experienced in her previous adoptive family. That is a sign she is experiencing some feeling of security with us. I don’t think she wants to feel any security with us. I think she would rather stay in LalaLand and pretend life in Texas was good and she didn’t have behavior problems until we kidnapped her. Hope knows this isn’t true, but is much more comfortable in the alternate universe where it is true. I can’t imagine living through the trauma she lived through and still having the will to fight the world. I keep reminding myself that Hope’s strong will is ultimately one of her greatest strengths. It just makes the now so hard.