Many changes are coming because of clarity imposed by the attachment therapist. New post on other blog.
This is my grandson, X, on his first day of second grade. Thanks to a trip I made to Michigan, X is reading on grade level, although still a year behind chronologically. The one on one tutoring this summer (paid for by the school district) made a big difference. I think he is the world’s most handsome second grader, even if I am biased.
My son, J, is back on his meds, attending therapy regularly (I call and check), and has a new job. I was unable to talk to him regularly before he was back on the meds because I did not have it in me. Our relationship is much better now.
My granddaughter, K2, is still struggling with an overwhelming weight problem, but has managed to keep her weight stable three months in a row. I am so proud of her!
My oldest granddaughter, Kaylee, is a senior in high school and has a job.
I am encouraging both J and my DIL to develop some skills through vocational training. I have offered to help pay for it and this is the third year I am trying. I have hopes that they are both stable enough that this may be the year they decide to go for it.
X’s birth mother has warrant out for her arrest, hasn’t seen him in over eight weeks, and has an open CPS investigation for leaving her 2 year old alone for 72 hours. No body has seen her or her two year old in several weeks. I told J to file for a suspension of her visitation rights. I hope he does. X is really struggling with this. He is afraid for his baby sister. Any prayers you have would be appreciated.
The kids spent three hours at Kid’s Kingdom in the Little City. The Dad and I drove them, with MK, paid for their admission, and gave MK money for lunch. We picked them up three hours later and nobody wanted to leave.
We did this to manufacture time for The Dad and I to spend alone. We went out to lunch and then to couples counseling. Couples who raise special needs children have an extraordinarily high divorce rates. Throw a RADish or two in there, expert at pitting one parent against the other, and professional help can be a necessity, not a luxury. Divorced Trama Mama’s aren’t a rare breed and the norm for Trauma Mama’s can be strained relations between them and their other half.
The Dad and I have been married a long time. We have even survived raising a RADish together. Surviving is not good enough. We are looking for more. I have not kept Hope’s struggles a secret. Our life is never easy, but the last eight weeks had pushed us over the cliff. We were not in sync at all. Hence, couples counseling. We are working for our future. God has better things in store for us. We are looking forward to our future together and if we need help to get there, we get help.
I have been reading up on Borderline Personality Disorder. It is one of the common conditions that an unhealed RADish ends up with as a diagnosis. I just started my third book this week. It is different than the first two I read because it is not written by a professional. It is written by a man who is married to a women with Borderline Personality Disorder, from the perspective of how to survive and not buy in to the persons problems. The name of it is When Hope Is Not Enough. I started reading about Borderline Personality Disorder because I was looking for new ways to relate with my oldest daughter. It is an interesting book. Last night, after the girls were in bed, I picked up the book to read until I could sleep. The title had slipped my mind- I just remembered that it had a green cover. When I noticed the title I started laughing. Hope is ALWAYS enough. Better laughing than crying.
I am in need of prayer. I decided not to post it on my public blog, but I did post on the other blog.
My grandson is sick. I am concerned. Besides being concerned, it changes my day. MK is doing a great job at meeting Mali’s needs and he is attached. MK is also still battling the adult versions of what RAD left behind. When Mali is sick, all her fears and insecurities come rushing back. So today is being spent with MK staying close. I will drive them to the doctors and I will do my best to meet my daughter’s needs in a loving way. She needs it. She deserves it. I am praying for the strength to give it to her.
MK came with us to visit J. For the last two days, I have had the pleasure of spending a lot of time with them. In most ways, it has been a pleasure. Both are stable. Both meet their obligations with a matter of fact attitude. They are thrilled to be spending time with each other.
The snag- they both think they are equipped to raise the girls and if they were in charge, the girls would be “normal” (read not exhibit behaviors that are age inappropriate). MK has apparently forgotten the car ride. J has the same desire to be right as he always had. Neither one has a clue to the disabilities the girls are dealing with. Hope has already suckered J twice, telling him that GB and X wouldn’t play with her. He started explaining to GB and X why they would not be permitted to behave that way. I stepped in and asked Hope what really happened. She told me that GB and X wouldn’t play the way she wanted them to.
I am still keeping Hope with in arms length. It gets tiring to fend off J and MK. The Dad has spoken to both of them, but hasn’t shaken their core belief that they could do better. I guess I can ignore them another three days. Even with fending them off, it is so much better than the ride here. The ride home showed up in my
dreams nightmare last night. Not pretty. When we get home, we will be staying home for a long while.