A Non- Challenge

I had given up on my 7 challenge because I blew it badly. I had several good suggestions from friends. Maybe attachment is beyond Hope right now. I have been interacting with Hope as her caregiver. I do not demand affection from her, but have been willing to exchange hugs and kisses. Hope has been struggling for days. She is viscous when going after GB. She lies every time she opens her mouth.  She was better when on the zoloft- at least she was relaxed and happy part of the time.
I have able to keep my voice quiet and natter of fact and kept my eyes soft. It is not a challenge. It is more of a decision that for now, it is imperative.I do not know what our next step is. Things are better for our family as a whole.



This is GB and her birth father, J. J has been stable on Geodon for 6 weeks now. He wasn’t stable the last time she saw him. GB has responded well to J’s stability. She has asked him a number of hard questions and he has been able to give her factual, truthful answers. Right now, they are having lunch at Ruby*Tuesdays. GB is one happy girl. I am happy that they both are feeling good about their relationship.

Birthday Fun

Hope and my grandson, X, have birthdays a day apart. Today, we celebrated. Everyone went bowling (I just watched). We went out to lunch at a good Mexican place. We ended at an aecade where the kids collected coupons and chose “prizes. Back at J’s, they played video games until cake time. Hope and X each had their own distinctive cake. X has enjoyed us being here.




We are off to Michigan tomorrow. Hope turns 7 on Sunday and my grandson, X, turns 8 on Monday.  X worked hard with reading specialist all summer. When I offered a reward, he said he wanted me in Michigan for his birthday. He stuck to it, so to Michigan I go. GB is excited to see Joel, who is her birth father.

Hope has been a little less aggressive this week. She has also regressed a bit more- brought to tears by requests (ie get your shoes please) that she was handling. I am trying hard to under react and foregoing all judgement. It has not been easy. Walking on eggshells can be very tiring.

I am still feeling fragile, physically and emotionally. I had a spell when my O2 stats went down to 80. I have so much to process and my energy is limited.I see the cardiologist next week.

Not looking forward to the 17 hour drive to Michigan. We will take two days and find a hotel with a pool tomorrow night so the girls can swim off their traveling crazy’s.  Prayers would be appreciated. It would be better if Hope didn’t rage in the drive through of Star*Bucks. We are taking the van instead of the Prius. That will help.

A Year Later

Last year when we went for Flu shots, Hope traumatized us all. She screamed an hour before, and 30 minutes after. Today, The Dad and Hope went for Flu shots this afternoon. Hope started flipping out. The Dad chose to let the Flu shot go. Hope will be unprotected from influenza this year.  I don’t think I would have made the same choice, but it was keeping with our decision to do things differently.

GB is still seeing the chiropractor and she is steadily having more dry nights. I have no idea why it works, but the results speak for themselves.

A Baby Step

We cancelled the scheduled respite tonight and instead took the girls to the pool. We were the only ones there. The Dad and I took longer than usual to set up. By the time I was ready to get in the pool, GB and Hope were playing together nicely. I sat back down and watched. They played nicely for 45 minutes. A teen age girl joined them in the pool. GB made an instant friend and Hope came out of the water mad. We left soon after.

A baby step. It was enough for today.