No Answers

Another tragedy. Another shooting. Still no gun control. Still unwilling to fund necessary mental health treatment.

Politicians insisting on protecting unborn fetuses, while refusing to commit to caring for these children after they have taken their first breath.

Having several adopted children with RAD or the adult version of Borderline Personality Disorder, yet not having community support or even a consensus of what treatment will help.

My youngest is still struggling every single day. I did not take her from her mother. I did not cause the damage that torments her. I try to make a difference and then hear RAD is just an excuse to abuse children.

I have no answers. Do you?

Feeling Better

Hope’s fever broke this morning. She spent most of the day sleeping, but did curl up with MK and Malachi to watch TV a couple of times. During one of these times, I looked up and saw Hope standing there. She wasn’t saying anything or trying to make eye contact. I observed aloud that it looked to me like something was bothering her. I waited. Hope looked at me briefly and said that Mali had hit her and MK did nothing about it. I asked if a hug might help and she climbed on my lap. We cuddled for a couple of minutes in silence. Then she was done and went back to the TV. I think, for a brief moment, we both felt better.footprints

Whose Mistake?

We went to Radio City Music Hall and saw their Holiday Spectacular. We went with another family. We took the train down to Grand Central. We meandered around Rockefeller Plaza. The kids each picked an activity from the MOMA gift shop as a souvenir. We had hot dogs from street vendors and went to the 1pm matinee. Our seats were in the second row and each girl had cotton candy and a Radio City Music Hall Santa hat which came with cotton candy.

The show itself was an absolute success. All the girls were mesmerized.

Dinner was not as successful. We had reservations, but the restaurant was $50 an entree and had no kid’s menu. My Fillet Mignon  and the sauce it came with was delicious. Everybody else had trouble finding something they thought they would eat. I didn’t recognize most of what was on the menu.

Hope had an awful day. The only time she enjoyed herself was during the actual show. She was difficult all day. She had two full blown rages. In the middle of Manhattan. We had no graceful exits,

That old dilemma again. We want her to enjoy the family time with us. She can’t handle anything but a small, confined world. I am glad Hope had the experience of seeing the show. I never want to take her anywhere again.

Quick Update

A DSS program has been added to the Waiver program, giving us an additional 20 hours a week of services for Hope. There was a long waiting list as of yesterday, we were accepted today. The Director of Clinical Services is still the same person who had the position when we asked for help with MK, 12 years ago. When I recently contacted her, she instantly remembered MK. She was very memorable back then! The new worker is older and very experienced.

I spoke with Hope’s psychiatrist today. We start her on Zoloft tomorrow. I would have preferred Celexa, as I have a friend who swears by it for her very difficult daughter with RAD, but the doctor said it has too many cardiac side effects on children Hope’s age. I hope that by reducing Hope’s anxiety we will reduce the violence.

We found out it is possible that our insurance company will contract for Hope to be placed in the RTC that is only twenty minutes from us. That would be a gift.

Hope still doesn’t have a bus. I am going to spend part of tomorrow sitting in the special education office until that is rectified.

Joe is still always here when Hope is and I am still safe.

A Visit to the Psychiatrists for Hope

GB is off on a five day jaunt with her Dad, per doctor’s/AT orders. The Dad reported that GB is her relaxed and comfortable self. It was just Hope and I to see the psychiatrist this morning. Hope showed off some of the good that came out of that attachment therapy. She made good eye contact, tried to answer every question she asked respectfully and fully. Then the psychiatrist asked Hope to go the the waiting room so she and mommy could have a private conversation. Hope said “NO, you F* asshole” and then tried  to kick her. I had to “help” Hope to the waiting room.

After such a great start, the psychiatrist and I agree to switch her from Abilify back to Risperdal and worry about prolactin levels later. She also gave me the number for New York Presbyterian Hospital and said to call when I decided to have Hope admitted. She said they would take the information from me, call her(the psychiatrist) to get the clinical picture, and give me an admission date. She said I could do this as soon as the afternoon.

The psychiatrist also said Hope could not go on the cruise August 26th, it was a safety issue. Hope gets home on the bus in an hour and the waiver worker will be here in two. Monday morning and I am exhausted.