News From Texas

 

Hope has been really struggling. We have been at a loss to help her. Part of the problem is that Hope had such limited speech while see was living in Texas and when she first came to us. She was really non verbal during the abuse and trauma she endured in Texas and nobody in her Texas was talking.

I received an email a couple of days ago. It was from Hope’s Texas Mother’s mother. Hope’s Texas parents are divorcing. Hope’s Texas Gramma said that now that they are divorcing, she felt free to ask her ex-SIL for my email address. She offered to share all Hope went through that she knows about.

Some answers may finally be available.

9 thoughts on “News From Texas

  1. I agree with mizkizzle, divorce tends to bring out the worst and blame in people…what ever is told must be filtered though that lens.

    (besides i have very little sympathy for folks who two years after the fact just now want to come clean)

  2. That kind of window on a child’s abuse/trauma could be invaluable. Of course, it will be biased, but that does not mean it will be untrue. There are loyalties that exist when a marriage is functioning that disappear when a divorce is in the works. I would bet that what you will hear from Hope’s former-mother’s mother will be heartbreaking, I hope it will be helpful to Hope’s treatment.

    I don’t know how to say this diplomatically, so I’ll just say it bluntly: I wouldn’t expect either of my daughters to do well on a 15-hour drive to relatives for a visit after only a few years in my house, especially to share her birthday celebration with one of those relatives. Dysregulation, jealousy, anger, sadness, maybe rage, and lots of inarticulateness would be the name of the game.

    My 13-year-old (who has lived with us for 14 months now, had a *horrible* week after a one-night trip to NJ with us last weekend, and I chose not to do anything about it, even though I could’ve predicted the fallout, because it was my 90-year-old, very ill father in the hospital, and I wanted/had to see him. But it was asking too much of her. And I didn’t think she would do any better staying here at home with a substitute caregiver in our home.

    So many times I sacrifice my needs, my older daughter’s needs, my friends’ and extended family’s needs for my newest/youngest daughter’s needs, to protect her vulnerabilities. This time I didn’t. And she couldn’t tolerate it. I don’t know how to handle that fragility and how it circumscribes our lives so drastically as a family. I can’t be a martyr. But her upset is predictable by now.

    Do you think that Hope would’ve had less trouble had she stayed at home and celebrated her birthday without competition? If your answer is yes, then you *do* know how to help her. Sometimes, you just can’t, given the entire balance of your lives. But that’s a reason to be hopeful: at least you know what will work better, when you can manage to align the universe properly. No blame on you. I just hate to hear you sounding helpless.

    I think you know more than you give yourself credit for, sometimes.

    Peace to you all, from one only-human parent to another …

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