Visiting with J. and Family

We spent two full days with my friend, J., and her family. J and her most excellent husband have adopted three children from trauma backgrounds. Their youngest is very close to Hope in age and behaviors. The two girls became quickly inseparable. GB and J.’s two oldest also enjoyed being together. It was good to spend time with J. and meet her husband. It was good for The Dad to have the opportunity to be with adults who “get it”.

 

Canada is a beautiful country. I have driven through parts of it before as we drove to Michigan, but this is the first time I have seen Canada in daylight. The reds on the turning trees were beautiful. Beautiful old homes and vast fields with wooden fences that were different than any fence I have seen before. I have always assumed Canada was just like the USA, like a  far north state. It is and it isn’t.

 

J. and her family were so warmly welcoming it was like coming home. When Hope’s first trip to the bathroom resulted in a shaving cream cans worth of mess, there was no surprise. Hope continued to be Hope and J. was ready for it and the time flew, with everybody enjoying themselves. The acting out behaviors were just a ripple in our time together.

 

When we had to leave this morning, Hope did not take it well. We stopped at a Starbucks for coffee right after leaving J.s. Hope started raging in the car and continued on the side of the drive thru lane. It lasted for over forty five minutes. Once she was done, it was still six hours to home. She was nasty and miserable for the rest of the ride. When we stopped to eat, The Dad took Hope to sit at a different table to eat. It should not have bothered me as Hope was being so nasty I didn’t really want to deal with her. It did.

 

J. lives in the middle of nowhere. One thing J.’s husband said last night, as we visited over (good) wine, was that they could never raise kids from the hard places  in suburbia.  Living in a place where 12 or more neighboring families hear your kid rage is stressful. Part of it is the knowledge that sooner or later CPS will show up on your doorstep is wearing. It also makes putting your child outside to rage an option we don’t have.

 

J. has offered to take Hope in respite for a while. Other people I trust have also offered. My fear is how Hope will react. It is not yet a rational fear. I still have some processing to do.

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Visiting with J. and Family

  1. Not that you are asking for opinions, i think it is a fantastic opportunity for your family. When we spoke in NY, it was clear your situation isn’t getting better and it is wearing your family down. For me, respite felt like failure. It took me a long time to realize it’s not anyone’s failure. We all need help sometimes. J and P are a great family and I would trust my life and children with them. I hope you all find a way to make it work so your family can heal.

  2. You will know in your heart the right decision to make. Just take the time and space and quiet you need to listen to what you know. You are wise and experienced, my friend. Whichever choice you make will be the right one. My thoughts are with you all. (By the way, I will be going to live with J and her family in Canada if Romney gets elected, even if I don’t know her and haven’t been invited. You might want to give them all a heads-up for me 😉 Canada is big, right? LOL.)

  3. You’ve written so beautifully here about such intense feelings and so many conflicting emotions. I wish you continued strength and courage!

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