Mary, Joseph, and the Shrink

Our latest worker, aptly called Mary Poppins by my friend, came to see the shrink with us this morning. I knew Mary Poppins was clueless and I planned on calling her supervisor this afternoon and either getting a different worker or discontinuing the agencies services.

The shrink was pleased with how well GB was doing and Mary sat there quietly. That took 10 minutes of our hour. The other 50 minutes were devoted to Hope. Honestly, I am not quite sure how everything fell apart, but when we were done with Hope, the SPOA application was put on hold, Hope was off the anxiety medication and we were coming back in three weeks.

Nothing has changed with Hope’s behavior. When she is interacting with me it has actually gotten worse. I feel like not only wasn’t I being heard by Mary, but now I was also not being heard at the shrink’s. Joe (The Dad) won’t talk about anything beyond “now”. I am not willing to waste another three weeks with everything staying the same or getting worse. Last week, Hope’s service providers took 12 hours of my time, plus numerous phone calls to arrange details. With SPOA paperwork derailed, there will be no RTF or RTC this year. Life will just go on.

I can not and will not do it anymore. Joe has Hope. I will no longer discuss Hope, answer calls about Hope, go to meetings about Hope, make plans concerning Hope, or schedule Hope’s appointments. I won’t even call to get Mary Poppins replaced.

All our services for Hope are time sensitive. We are midway through our time allotted for all our outside help. Nothing has changed. Reams of paperwork filled out, endless hours of meetings and therapy, and nothing is better. I am willing to work hard for Hope to become a functioning part of our family. I am done playing the system’s games.

And if that brings out the Trolls, makes me evil or a failure, so be it. I am already screwed.

10 thoughts on “Mary, Joseph, and the Shrink

  1. It doesn’t make you evil or a failure! Why was Mary Poopins even at the shrink. Seems like a new service provider shouldn’t be involved in any major decisions when they don’t even know whats going on yet. I think you have set good boundaries. If Joe can’t support you then he should take primary. Let him have a turn on the merry-go-round.

  2. oh my dearest, you have put so much mileage into your children that you surpass the world record for the 600K mile toyota. You are a rock to all the moms that follow in your foot steps. How it has come to this difficult juncture for you and Hope I will never understand. I could send you the words of love and comfort you’ve given me over the years but those still seem to fall hopelessly short. I love you. I love your strength. You are amazing.

  3. All of the above. Trolls, just let me read your snide comments on this posting. You haven’t lived in this woman’s home, been dealt the rage she has had to deal with. If you’re not offering free respite care for this child…..shut the hell up!

  4. I am so sorry. You worked so hard to make a difference, you deserve to be heard. You deserve to be understood. Pulling out of her therapies, appts. is the only thing you can do. And if the trolls attack, you have so many fellow trauma mama’s in your corner they won’t know what hit them. Hugs

  5. What?! I hope you can, truly, stay out of it, but since you’re all living in the same house, it just sounds like a huge set-up to me. If I were in that situation and had an endless supply of money (that would be key), I would move out with GB, and let Joe and Hope begin developing the primary bond that you have created with Hope, and see how Hope behaves with Joe once she realizes that he’s her new “Mommy.”

    Maybe having you to work out so much loss and grief and anger on after immediately moving out of her abusive “forever” home will mean that Hope’s next primary bond goes a thousand times better. And won’t involve the endless violence and destruction that Hope has targeted at you and your home. For her sake, I hope it does. But if you’re still in the picture (right in the same house) that primary relationship which was built between you and Hope over the past few years? is still there, front and center for Hope, and it is still the relationship that needs support and treatment, until she is settled in with a new primary caretaker—and away from the primary mother/daughter relationship with you.

    But, instead, they’re keeping you two together in the same home, but removing the prospect of an out-of-home, higher level of care? And they’re removing medications? Please document it all. (Oh, well, uhm, yeah, you already have, right here.) Because this sounds like some voodoo wishful thinking at work, which could prove quite dangerous. You might want to say the word “malpractice” a few times loudly in every direction. And, god, keep yourself safe. I can’t imagine how much loss and grief (and anger) Hope will feel, watching you back away from her and her care, but still being present: I would imagine her attacks will simply increase.

    Since I assume that you *don’t* have an endless supply of money, if you’d like to get away with GB (or by yourself) for a couple of hours, a day, a weekend, or all of Thanksgiving break—whatever—just let me know. You know how to contact me on FB, and I’m only about 2 hours away. We can always make room in our house for a few more people, if you and GB wouldn’t mind spending some time with two wacky Teen Girls and a wacky Mom.

    I’m so very sorry that this is happening, in this way. You all deserve to be safe. And this just does not sound safe to me at all. If it’s out of your hands, please try to get out of harm’s way, really.

  6. I am amazed at the turn around – how can judgement be made on just ONE visit; what about what has gone before, what is still happening? Having been in a slightly similar situation with a foster child (with bipolar disorder) I have often been left feeling the failure – the one at fault – while my changeable child comes over as the rational, sweet child she COULD be, but wasn’t always! Thinking of you, and hoping for better days ahead.

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