Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

I love the hope in this rainbow’s promise. This was taken on our balcony after the only 10 minutes of rain we had last week.

We are back from our cruise. The Dad picked Hope up shortly after we arrived home. She seemed happy to see us. She was happy not to be at respite- a full week gave respite a taste of the Hope we live with. For the first hour, there were lots of “I missed you”, “I love you”, hugs, and cuddles. It didn’t last. Hope had her first rage on Joe- at Friendly’s no less. Salsa and quesadilla all over the place, Hope carried out screaming. I didn’t get involved. I am not hurt.

The Dad and I were both keenly aware of the stress that wasn’t there for the last week and that it was because Hope wasn’t there. We had different reactions to that. It convinced The Dad that our family needs a substantial break from Hope. I refused to think about the future last week. I came home relaxed. My body is not working overtime in producing cortisol. I had several acupuncture treatments on the ship and my chronic pain level is around a 6- much lower then it has been in over a year. My mind is able to function again. The bite marks are only scars.

Maybe adopting Hope was a mistake. It doesn’t matter. It is my reality. We made a commitment to Hope. Now we have to figure out the best way to keep that commitment. Not easy stuff.

The Dad is taking Hope to work with him tomorrow. I will be able to track down paper work, go food shopping, and get GB school shoes.

3 thoughts on “Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

  1. It is so hard to hear what is happening with Hope. Her rejection of you, your love and care, must be very difficult to bear. No wonder you are having to distance yourself from her – at least emotionally – while you try to find solutions to Hope’s difficulties. And they are HOPE’s problems – and that makes it harder, as a parent you want to make things better, but the only one who can do that is Hope. I pray that the intensive support you need will be forthcoming. I am sure that deep inside Hope there is that hurt, needy child; it is just that she covers it with such a shield of anger and aggression that your love is unable to penetrate.
    I am praying for your family; I do believe that God is able to work miracles; and Hope surely needs a miracle to become a part of your family.
    I am glad that the break was beneficial for you all; there is no way that you can all survive if things continue the way they have been going.
    I hope you have a good week; that Hope’s rages may be few and far between, and that everyone will feel safe. God bless.

  2. So happy you had this good time away. You are amazing and I am so proud of you! To say that adopting Hope might have been a mistake but you are going forward, doing what Hope needs is so BRAVE and GOOD of you. I am just so very, very proud of you!!!! I draw strength from reading of your strength!!!!

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