Trauma Sucks

Hope wigged out last night. As directed by waiver worker, we called 911 and the crises person . Crisis person is 2+ hours away, a policemen and 2 EMTs show up. Hope stops throwing furniture and starts screaming in terror. Joe went to the hospital with her in the ambulance. I  spent 30 minutes tapping GB back to this planet.  My oldest RAD (26) took the opportunity to tell me I should be happy because this is what I have been waiting for. 
Trauma sucks. RAD sucks. I can’t sleep.

19 thoughts on “Trauma Sucks

  1. Keep us posted. So sorry. (I remember you said you have the attachment therapy appt coming up this week — will this mess that up?)


  2. So sorry! You are a blessing in your children's lives and it is terrible when their trauma blinds them to that. Not because it makes them ungrateful, but because it shows how the trauma has skewed their view of the world.

  3. I wonder if oldest RAD has the misconception that EMTs, ER, etc will get Hope the help she desperately needs? Or maybe it was just her icky response to the stress of all this. 😦

  4. I am so sorry. I am currently in limbo regarding setting up a crisis plan similar to yours. I have a black eye and a broken heart regarding my 7 year old who sounds an awful lot like Hope. I personally am glad you finally got crisis interventionthat makes sense- but understand your agony at the need to use it! God bless you and your amazing family.

  5. GB's mom, we cannot be happy to see a child at hospital, but at least, Hope is safe and you can take care about GB's needs.

    schnitzelbank, I think it is her icky response to bottled stress (Hope have displayed unsafe behavior for a long time).
    As shameful as it is, I completely recognize myself in oldest RAD's sentence/reaction.
    It happens when I want to relieve bottled stress. Logic takes over emotion, because otherwise, emotion explodes so much that it becomes unsafe for me (it is how I understand oldest RAD's behavior). If I had to choose between a hurtful sentence and scratching myself/drinking alcohol/smoking/taking drugs, it will be the hurtful sentence.
    The gratitude can come only after having released bottled stress. Otherwise, it is asking me too much, too soon.

    I hope such an explanation can help GB's mom and anyone.

  6. This is an prime example of why adoption can be wrong and why it needs regulations. This is not a story that deserves appaulse, but a story where adoptive families and agencies should be disgusted.

    Bringing a special needs child into a home where there is another special needs child and adult who can not function alone, where the parents are older and have health issues is not inspiring. It is shocking.

    Your older daughter is perceptive, not cruel. Removing the newly adoptive child removes the stress you created for everyone else. It is giving you an out from the mess you made.

    Adoption is hard enough on a child coping with loss of a family and the primal wound under the best circumstances. Impulsive, selfish adoptions are never good for the child.

    You might claim years of experience, but adopting in the manner that you did shows nothing but selfish actions.

    Read the Primal Wound.

  7. I am so sorry your oldest RAD said that. I know it would have hurt me to hear it. You are stronger than me, I admire you. Hang on!!! I don't know how to leave a name so have to do this anonymously

  8. If “Annie” comes back, I have this to say to her: if you are not going to bother to read the story, you need to stfu. Hope's original adoptive placement was disrupted. GB's mom did not take Hope from her parents. Anyone who thinks adoption is wrong needs to ask any PICU nurse if the burned, beaten, raped and tortured kids they treat who were abused by their parents deserve to grow up without parents. What would you recommend? The mom who is in jail? The father who ran away? The grandparents who knew and wouldn't call CPS? An orphanage?
    You don't know what you are talking about in real life. Kids who come from trauma deserve a chance at a family. I grew up in a home of monstrous abuse, and dreamed of being adopted every day. Still do, half a century later. Keep your ignorant nonsense to yourself.

  9. I do not think your older daughter is saying what she is to be cruel. Perhaps she just has a different perspective to all of this. It does seem obvious to everyone involved that your home is not the most therapeutic place for Hope to be. This is definitely NOT a judgement on you though you may take that way and for that, I apologize. The fact is that Hope is not doing well in a home with another child and GB is not doing well in a home with another child who rages. I can imagine that in their own ways, both of them are terrified.
    Hard choices will need to be made and soon.
    There is no reason to blame mistakes made in the past though, all you can really do is make good choices from here on out. Truly there are two very young lives hanging in the balance.

  10. ^^^ exactly as anonymous said.

    Hope may have been adopted from a disruption, but she was young enough that more appropriate therapeutic parents could have been found. The best interest of the children was not taken into account.

    I am both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, who reads this with sadness.

  11. I would like the kick the butts of the anonymous/no email link/troll commenters. I think you have a tough road ahead of you, but the work and effort you are putting in with all of your children will make a difference. There are certainly no better options out there. I pray for you all and hope the crisis and respite services help.

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