A Troubling Week

I start this with the admission both of my little ones are having a rough time. I was hoping it was largely caused by the Dad and I being on different pages, in different books. It is more than that. I took GB into my bed Thursday night and started stroking her face. I moved to her neck, then down her arms. I hummed very softly and waited. GB eventually settled in and started talking. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to herself. I listened without breaking my rhythm. At first I thought it was just random thoughts she was throwing out. It wasn’t. After letting her ramble for 15 minutes, she was able to come back to this thought: Hope was really good at acting cute, everybody loves Hope acting cute, and GB has no idea how to handle it. She spoke about how sad she felt when people preferred Hope over her. She spoke wistfully about the kind voices people use with Hope and how much she liked it when people used that voice with her. It doesn’t happen much any more. I kept stroking her and she fell asleep. I cried.

Some changes are easy.  Some changes aren’t. Next week, when I am up again, I will pull Hope from GB’s gymnastic class and put her in a class an hour before GB’s. I will keep GB next to me so I can intervene quickly. I don’t know what else I can try, but I will have to figure it out.

Today, Hope cried and whined all afternoon. Everybody used soothing voices and tried to make everything better. MK and Booboo took her for a walk and gave her money for the dollar store. Not once did anyone get loud or forceful with Hope, even after 6 hours of her screaming, crying, and saying she hate them. GB did not hear that soothing, calming voice from anybody but me.

Sometimes Hope is cute, bright and charming. When she plays cute, it is very different. Her smile is different,  she is running the show. The tears go on and off in a nanosecond. So does her “I am afraid to find my shoes”, “You don’t love me”, ” I just want a hug, that’s all”, onto mindless, high pitch screeching. And yet, after six hours of this, nobody has run out of patience.

Except me.

8 thoughts on “A Troubling Week

  1. Poor GB and poor you, it must be so hard to juggle so many needs (GB's, MK's & Hope's) without walking hand to hand with the dad. I am glad that you were able to take care of your needs going to Orlando !

  2. Not being on the same page (book!) as the Dad is SO HARD. I am there, too. Somedays he says he gets it, but then two days later he's back to the same stuff as before. We go in circles. It's exhausting. And you have more than one child and are recover from surgery to boot! (((hugs)))

  3. Poor GB! My heart aches for her. Hope is playing the cute little orphan girl card like a pro. Afraid to look for her shoes? Right. That's a lot of what the livestock leave behind.

  4. I've been reading backwards to catch up, you have had so much going on lately and when I got here my heart just overflowed. My two younger girls have had similar issues over the years. This morning my 17 year old took advantage of the 15 year old being gone to talk about how she gets away with having fits the older would get in more trouble for and she's right. My 17 year old is a very striking girl and though my 15 year old is just as pretty in her own way she sometimes feels people don't see her at all when her sisters around and treat her differently. This is what she shares when she has me alone. I think you are doing a good job of listening and really hearing and sometimes I think just that makes a huge difference to them. That they know they are being heard. No matter what type or how many issues they are battling with. I think separate classes are a good idea. As my girls hit later elementary school they did different activities all together. That way they had something that was 'just theirs'. They didn't have to compete at them. As they are getting older and engaging in some of the same things again I sometimes see that jaw set but they are becoming better about brushing it off and encouraging each other. Sometimes ; ) I hope as GB see's she is being heard and it's ok to feel that way that she will feel a little better.

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