Today, I got up the courage to tackle my latest dragon. Several weeks ago, I was caught by surprise when what I thought was routine neuro-psychological testing started with the head of the neuro-psych department at the George Jarvis Clinic telling me GB was on the spectrum. No, not FASD (although she said that was still there), ASD. How can a child start EI services at 7 months, special ed preschool at 33 months and receive special ed services for 2+ years from the district and have everyone miss autism? The psychologist told me about all the services GB should be receiving and is not. It was a very detailed discussion that lasted over 2 hours. I remember it happening, but I don’t remember a single service that GB needs and is not currently receiving. Not one.
I have always been adept at getting the services my kids needed. I have never been particularly interested in following protocol and I absorb information about my kids’ disabilities thoroughly and efficiently. So why is it that, three weeks later, I have done absolutely nothing. I have the woman’s phone number- so it is not because I don’t know what services GB needs- a phone call would take care of that. It is not a lack of time; with both girls in school, I have one or two days without appointments most weeks.
I have to conclude it is fear. Fear of what, I am not sure. Fear that I will be unable to get GB what she needs? Fear that there will be something else lurking in the shadows, waiting to be found? Maybe it is fear I shouldn’t have taken on Hope. I am not sure I would have if they had given me this information back in July when they first saw GB. Fear is not usually a good place to operate from. Rather than spend more time and energy thinking about it, I decided to call the ODDS (Office of Developmental Disability Services) and request an intake package. It is a tiny step, but at least I am not running from my dragon. And, there is always tomorrow.