The Difference in Waiting Periods…

When GB was almost 5 months, she became ours, via a Family Court Order giving us physical custody. We had already had her and her parents living with us, since she was released from NICU.  Her father was working full time and her mother refused to care for her. We tried to get help for her mother, but she refused all services. We put GB in daycare, so that she would be safe while we were working. On August 2, 2003, GB’s birth mother walked out and never looked back. When finalize her adoption next week, we will have had her FOR OVER SEVEN YEARS! We know the child intimately; we understand her issues from FASD and her issues from Bipolar Disorder. We have our support team in place, including an educational lawyer and a family lawyer. We live in NY and when the judge grants the adoption decree, we will know exactly what we are committing to.

Hope was born in Texas, in October, 2005. She was adopted by a family at 5 weeks of age. When we picked her up on August 25th, we had spent a total of maybe 7 hours with her, over two days. She had an alphabet soup of diagnoses, everything but RAD. Less than 15 hours later, at almost 5 years old, she was ours. The judge in Texas waived the waiting period and finalized our adoption. He never even asked to see identification. He took the lawyers word that we were suitable and we were who he thought we were. We had the beginnings of a support team in place, but since we really didn’t know what to expect, we were really starting from scratch. Hope was not toilet trained, on a major tranquilizer to knock her out at night and an atypical anti-psychotic twice a day. She bit, kicked, clawed, pushed, punched and screeched (loudly). We had no clue what was really wrong with her. It has been almost 3 months and the only one of the original diagnoses left is Bipolar Disorder and that is only because it hasn’t been officially ruled out yet. We have picked the diagnosis of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).

Two different states, two different time tables. Sometimes, I ask myself which time table is better for the child involved. The answer I always come back to, is for the kids, both time tables sucked.

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